Expectation

In high stress recently… feel like stuck in the middle of the cross junctions… went for a walk… look around to distract my self destruction continues… now feel better… when feel better, my mind become more calm~ then can sit down quietly and analyze why I'm in such depression… (yeah, im weird as I don't like to be in the uncontrollable condition)

Notice that im a person who always have high expectation especially towards people I love… I read an article saying " when you give, don't expect for return… if you do, that is not give, that is exchange"… hmm… ya~ this is my bad habit, I always expect something in return when I do things recently… I compare, and start imagine something for return… haha… end up? I receive booms of depress… worst, I feel disappointed~ I really don't like disappoint people around me because I know how it felt like… but now… im still stuck in this feeling… I always have this bad thought "why am I not being appreciated?????"

need to control my own expectation towards my surrounding so that I will not further hurting myself… hmm… that is what im trying to do now… hmmm….. at least through this, I will honestly more cold blooded and worst… more self cantered… L maybe this is the best way to protect myself from getting hurt emotionally…

Teenage dreams

During school life, I get my imagination relationship through love novel… haha… I can still remember how "hardworking" I am in reading novel~ specially it is in mandarin (my mandarin super lousy)… additionally I have a good imaginary… muahahaha… after I finish read a novel~ it feels like im in a romantic and a very hu ha relationship~ muahahaha… that's why im so well "experienced" hahahah…

Its been so long I dint imagine such things dy, especially with the hectic schedule… but… during this short holiday at my sis place (which I have no internet to use) i found it again… but its in alternative ways – through movies… KOREAN drama~ muahahaha…. The story line was so unrealistic~ but this is the best part…. Hahaha…. The story line always roughly the same – a rich charming prince fall in love with a boyish poor independent lady~ hahaha…

I can always link myself to the story, not because im poor & independent but it's because I have boyish character~ muahahahahaha…. It is nice to enjoy and change the actress as myself from time to times~ hahaha… but honestly… all of this is good for imagination only~ if it really does happen in real life… er… I don't really want it… hahaha…. Coz it too dramatic d~ hahahaha….

It's great to put myself in that stage again once in the blue moon~ wulala~

My first conference

hmm.. its my first time~ be participant in the conference... couldnt deny, the presentation was a last minute work... end up, lucky enough the chairperson - my co-supervisor have no heart attack... or else i will be in jail now~ happy is that i know how it feel, and what is it that im still stuck~ sigh~

for me conference is something that actually very motivating and can learn a lot in short period... coz there are lots expert and serious participant who do very good work, and willing share with the other participants... definately~ i cant be in this way all the time... wish that will have better result in short period... coz i dont want to drag my master to more than 2 years honestly...yet im still stuck in same problem again and again... sometimes i wonder whether i had made wrong decision - further my master in research mode~ sigh~ i dont wish to regret and stop now~ instead... i prefer overcome it and take this challenge openly... sigh~ words is cheap... work wasnt... so need change to gear 4 d~! hmph~!!!!!!

oh ya~ shouldn't spoil the efforts from my faculty... 

these are the door gifts

my first time~

honestly~ i felt guilty having this~ sigh

Positive Me

Honestly, i really feel blessed all the times. As the others, my path is like a snake road, sometimes i will hit some wall and face difficulties which nearly tear me off.. but whenever i faced difficulties i always tell myself, everything happen with a very good reason behind it~ a chinese proverbs "Good fortune may forebode bad luck, which may in turn disguise good fortune."

i am a super short temper person, i dont really twist around and i dont really like being ignored or take for granted~ but i cant expect everyone to tolerant with my special attitude and behaviour~ so instead hoping ppl change, i try change and improve my self to be a better man~ hmm.... not that i lost my entity, just that i learn to have more options in order for me to be more tolerance~ hehe... say is cheap, when doing it, specially sometimes when my mood is swinging it can be really challenging~

but, until now i never regret doing so, when people around me start nagging coz they expect more on me - i should feel glad coz there are someone have expectation on me... then when my love one ignore me, .... till now i have no idea how overcome it... hahaha... all i can tell my self is he/she is busy, and will get to me soon (eventhough before that i start simply think and get upsad) but i try not to communicate when im down, read a lot motivation articles, learn very important message "do not speak or respond when your mood still on the peak"... hmm...

overall, when people around me upsad and release on me, then at least i need control myself from swinging my mood, instead i shall be glad coz they found someone to release their feeling, or else..... who knows, they might instead dragging their bad mood into another level and end up more trouble been created along that...~

hahaha.. must have rational positive mindset~ every trouble is just another colour that help coloured our plain life~ wulala~ ^^