who am i?

friend of mine was in emo mood last night after attending her friend's wedding... she pop this question "im happy with my life now, but it still feel empty in there, i lost the thing i wish/ dream last time... what is the thing that can fulfill me?" to me which make me like... erm.. a click of " yalo hor...."

when i was young, im bit weird, i love to "dream" and "plan" everything for my future... eventhough some is things that definately will happen such as enter secondary school, uni... hehehe...

but now, i feels that thing that i had been doing is just a routine that everyone is doing~! wake up, watch drama, study, work, gossip, sleep.... goodness... it was enjoyable it the beginning stage as this is simple... i dont have to worry bout anything since it is a routine...

but now... in my coming bday~ i think i want make changes~! i want to have my dream back... before i go meet "Him" in heaven, i want to make sure my story are full of colours and flowers...

i always wish to travel around the world, to a stranger country and spend time there learning their life with my life partner.. but ever since i break up with him... i closed my heart... so my new wish... travel around the world by myself...

cant deny, with my current situation and condition... LOL i wont even able buy a ticket... lol... hmm... shall have my plan, savings.... and i shall start it slowly... maybe i shall start in formal way = sponsored way = working that allow me to travel~ hehe

in the other hand... i really wish to understand what i really wan~ sigh~ who can share some tips? honestly, im not the kind of traditional gal... where dating - marriage- kids = dreams~

im bit more selfish... im very "me"... i wish to find myself first before anything... guess this is a puzzle of my life~

Life is like a drama

was so addicted to Glee recently... main reason of coz is because of the male character so handsome and man... (wipe wipe my salive >.<) then another reason that make me so addicted to it was because it is a very inspirational drama...

few years back, i had step on the stage for the first time, and the memories started there... but unfortunately it had it's fullstop now... but after i watched Glee, goodness, i wish i can step on the stage again... cant deny, im not pretty and outstanding as the actress in the Glee, but i really like the feeling when working hard with the friends for stage performance... that moment just so great~

there are lots dramatic moment in between, quarrel with friends, admiring some guy... and most important, the moment i spent in sharing my feelings, and problems with my friends... all those moment just so great... each time whenever i watched this drama, i really feel more motivated... and guess what, it really help me to find myself again, why shall i change to please people? everyone is unique... if people cant accept the originality of me then why shall i waste my time to please them?

overall... i really love glee, no wonder lots of the teenagers from US was madly addicted to Glee... oh GLee~~~~

ok ok... continue my drama~ hiaks~!!

unique me

i have this habit~ i love to think, and "admire" myself when im alone doing nothing... positively is appreciate myself, negative is bit self centered = syok sendiri in malay~ hahaha

ok... come i want to share my blessing...
first - i can have a few look - sexy, decent, aunty and crazy look
maybe im mix with native, so naturally i have the "wild" look, some smoky make up, bit less cloths dressing and suitable accessories can make me look "wild" and "sexy"

oppositely, like today, i wear more cloth dress, i can look so decent

i can also look so boyish when i wear some sport outfit... hehehe... till the point people labeled me as my dad's "son" >.<

not least, when im in wrong mode... i wont bother my outlook till the point i think most ppl around me think im not normal~ hahahaha...

secondly - i have lots character within me

i can very friendly when i meet someone im comfortable with... (when my six sense dint alarm me la~)

i can be very rude and cold heart when im not comfortable with (when my alarm ring loudly)

i can be very crazy when im with certain group of people (which is mostly my buddies)

i can be very shy when surrounded with people i admire... i can be very "no image" when im in wrong mode

i can be very weak when im with people that i trusted... i can be very strong and dominant when im surrounded with people that need leader or weaker than me

i can very sentimental specially when it is raining day

i can be very calm when im in serious mode... hmm

i can be very mature specially when work and definitely that time im lack of confident

and most important i can be extreme childish with people i love and trusted... worst is when i lost control and very emo (this what my ex hated bout me most :( )

as for my productivity mode
i can easily be workaholic specially when i set my goal and im in love with the work

i can also be lazy - which happen most of the time :P


there are more of my two sided character which honestly i also not so sure yet... but it is a blessing as all this character enable me be very flexible towards my surrounding

but of course i still need have further improvement towards some of my character specially emotional part~ sigh~ any idea how to overcome that? hahaha

the "lady" side of me

today went for brunch with a friend~ hehe... dont know why, wish to be more ladies like today and bit more decent girl look... chinese name it as "shu nv".. huhu...and the comment from my friend? im s "green" today~ hahaha... cant deny~ :)

but... when look down to my leg... hahahhahaha... i still prefer some colour on it~ hehehe...

blue + green... hmm... today im in "nature" mode~ oh yeah~

GLEE

honestly, each time im down, i have new way overcome it... for this time, Is watching GLEE... hahaha... this is a musical based drama... and the actress and actors are all near my age... letting me have my old imagination again... putting myself as the character~ hahaha...

this movie really nice~!! and im lucky enough to able get the season 1~3 from my friend~ hehehe... even though it is a bit too outdated seasons... but hey~! good drama never have their time frame~ hahaha...

for the first season, dont know why, for all the sudden, i have this quote in my mind now~ which i hope will keep me going and be a better me~

come come, i share my new thoughts k~
" God is giving me some space, to develop a better me and get ready for the new challenges that is coming soon~ and God bless, who knows, the better him is now on his way to find me~ hiaks~"

it always feel so great when things are "open" and "transparent"... letting me feel lighter and more happy~ yeah~ love is in the air~

ok.. continue my GLEE~~~~

anyhow, someone just seems not enjoying as much as me, but at least she is there accompany me~ hahaha

Emo

ARGGG~!!!! i hate being emotional~ but can I use lame excuse saying coz im a woman? hehehe... just awake from my afternoon nap~ erghhh lots flash back suddenly~ goodness~!!!!! when can i move on~!!! S***!!!!! cannot cannot... left only 3 months to go... must grow up~ be mature bit~!!!! sigh~~~~ WAKE UP WAKE UP~@!!!!!!

shopping

hehehe... found another healing medicine - SPEND MONEY~!!!!!
omg, to over come my emotionally break down, i love spend money... hahaha... im not rich, yet i love spend money... goodness~ but im still happy with it... hehe... another way, its my wardrobe turn around as well.. hehehe
went to singapore... replace my jeans with dresses~ hiaks~ happy... become more ladies wor... >.< honestly, after convert to RM- it cost me RM75... but since i love it... so just give it a shot.. haha.. dont know since when i love bright colour... perhaps it will help brighten my days~ hehe

an owl ring... since the day i went to bukit merah Penang, i fall in love with owl... perhaps i look like one as well due to my dark circle.. hiaks

black dress... cost me RM30~ hhe

Actual me

change... recently i heard this from my friend... :) ya.. i should take off some of my bad habit such as being childish and emo when frustrated... and replace it with better quality... cool, sexy.. hahaha... :) i believe one day i will find someone who love me for who i am and able tolerate my bad habit instead...

so... my sis just bought me wine for my coming bday... honestly, its been awhile i dint drink... so perhaps, as a turn around, i will start drink again... hehe... after all, controllable drinking, somemore is wine, i think it will bring benefit to my body as well right? so perhaps i need get some nice wine glass d... :D

chance

Suddenly have this sentimental thought while alone at home..Everyone have a past... Happy, sad, regretted over some emotional decisions thatu been made... Will it be too late to regret and wish for a restart? Sometimes if we dint lost a thing, we never notice it is actually something that is important in our live...and worst.. Taken it for granted..If lucky enough given second chance... We definately will appreciate it as we already knoe how it felt like losing it... But if its opposite way... Not sure... But I will off the wall coz Im scared of experience another similar pain...