In high stress recently… feel like stuck in the middle of the cross junctions… went for a walk… look around to distract my self destruction continues… now feel better… when feel better, my mind become more calm~ then can sit down quietly and analyze why I'm in such depression… (yeah, im weird as I don't like to be in the uncontrollable condition)
Notice that im a person who always have high expectation especially towards people I love… I read an article saying " when you give, don't expect for return… if you do, that is not give, that is exchange"… hmm… ya~ this is my bad habit, I always expect something in return when I do things recently… I compare, and start imagine something for return… haha… end up? I receive booms of depress… worst, I feel disappointed~ I really don't like disappoint people around me because I know how it felt like… but now… im still stuck in this feeling… I always have this bad thought "why am I not being appreciated?????"
need to control my own expectation towards my surrounding so that I will not further hurting myself… hmm… that is what im trying to do now… hmmm….. at least through this, I will honestly more cold blooded and worst… more self cantered… L maybe this is the best way to protect myself from getting hurt emotionally…
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