Monday, December 31, 2012
this year- 2012, is a very happening year~ a very fruitful year for me~ i learn alot through this year, emotionally and physically~ :) cant deny, it might look so difficult at the beginning stage~ but now i slowly can see why it happens~ and im very glad it happen, coz through this incidents, i learn alot and was given chance to change and be better me~
honestly, not everyone given such chance~ so im very grateful for all the things and incident that occur on me~ specially im still young just 26 lo~ so at least i have the energy, the time to change it and im surrounded with angels that accompany me to go through it~
so, 2013 definitely is another wonderful and challenging year~ oh yeah~ sometimes, i feel that my life is like a romantic, action pack, comedies and lots more genre type of drama + movies~
ok~ see you again next year~
Wishing you a very extraordinary happy new year~ muaks~
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
after read that article, honestly, it hurts me alot... :'( coz i always have that in my mind - invisible passbook... thats the reason why i try my best keep everything bout us even the movie tickets... too bad, i dont have a visible one and share with him~
maybe thats the reason why i become a person that very appreciative... :) and the things that hurt most, when he wan to end this relationship, i have no options at all... when keep those things, each of the thing is like a needle... slowly sew into my heart... even when im typing this blog, and think of it, it still does hurt~ funny is, it hurts coz im still smile when think of those sweet memories and it cant last dy... :'(
sigh~ what can i say? lets God plan everything... if have fate~ then this shall be the climax - toughest challenges in relationship~! hmph~
Thursday, December 13, 2012
here it goes~
1. talk and say good words (less sarcastic)
2. smile more
3. love people around me and have great relationship with everyone around me
4. learn to forgive and give with a sincere heart
5. more savings
6. settle my master
7. continue my mission be sexy
8. dance better
9. better healthy lifestyle
10. more workout
11. change my attitude- reduce jealousy, understanding, more generous
12. love myself more
13. not least- be appreciative~!!!
yeah~ hmm.. i think in summary - 2013 is year for me grown up d~ ^^
Sunday, December 9, 2012
dont know why, after recent incident, i have an alarm in my brain tell me it's time to stop... and grow up... :D
i will not say that im now mature... come on.. no one can change within 24 hours right? unless that person is pretender~ hahaha...
guess its my turning point d... control my emotion, talk something meaningful~ be someone inspiration... and most important... love myself more~ <3 nbsp="nbsp" p="p">
today in the mode of thinking~ hahaha... its been awhile i dint look into my inner self d... today is the day~ <3 br="br">3>3>
for me, i dont really do things for certain or specific firm reasons... most of the time i do things because i want to learn it, experiences it and of course enjoy it~ Life is so short, why must i set only one aim? for me, i wish that my life is a colourful painting... without any title on it.. if a must with a title then it will be "wonderful life"... :D
im a blunt person... i dont really hide my feelings... someone ask me why i make certain decisions... example, instead of hating someone i choose forgive, thats simply because i follow my feelings... or perhaps the love is much stronger than the feeling of hate when it is towards someone...
as long it is from the bottom of my heart~ everything worth it~ :) sometimes, there are something that i still cant let go~ maybe there are reason behind it~ as most people who knows me well, they know im bit too cold hearted~ since it able to melt the ice~ there must be something that Above is arranging for me~ i believe it will be revealed through time... ^^
this year, for me is such a wonderful year, i'd been given chance to experience alot of things... modeling, , managing programme in my current teaching place, my master writing and etc... there are alot of up and downs this year~ times will reveal most of it soon... sometimes, we need to let go to get it more~ hehe... as long i believe it im sure it can be achieve~ ^^ i really appreciate the chance given my Him... if not i wont grown up... and definitely wont able to develop myself into another level~ ^^ i believe better things coming up~ hehehe.. hooray~
Sunday, December 2, 2012
but nowadays, with the advance of technologies and cheap flight, long distance suppose not to be a problem... but it also reduce lots of those basic love in between... FAcebook, blogs, sms, watsapp... you name it... all these technologies may help reduce the distance in between, but this also the tools to help destroy a relationship... suspect each other... can check each other availability and etc...
hmm... after all those drama... i prefer back to basic... : ) there are always reasons why previously the divorce rate are lower than the generations now~ :D
Sunday, November 25, 2012
supper in a village
to further my confidence boost up camp - i just too another course in dancing that i dream of so so so so long ago = BELLY DANCE~!!!! haha... more stories to come (crossing fingers)
Saturday, November 10, 2012
even when in the car, i just love to stare at the drops on the window... how a little rain drop link to each other then off from the window~ i just love rainy season~ :D it just make me so "calm and cheerful"
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
2012 is a very happening year~ it is a year where God put a lot of effort for me so that i can develop myself and become better person~ im a very optimistic person, some of my resolution seems to be negative instead successfully achieved~
my master process wasnt that good as i plan - soin coming year, i must put 2x effort so that i can grad properly in expectation timeline
me and him breakup instead having better relationship - instead angry of him or blaming myself, i take this opportunity to develop myself to be a better person - thanks to him as he always one of the person help me become better and more mature :)
if there is fate, no matter what happen, we can still be together, if there is no fate, then even im stick with him 24/7 we will gradually leaving each other as well... so... final answer will only be revealed through times - and only God knows why all this occur~ :D
anyway... i must now try pick up and settle the other resolution~ perhaps can start build new one as well... it is a blessing everyday~ everything happen for good reason - only take times to reveal it~ :D
Sunday, October 28, 2012
when i was young, im bit weird, i love to "dream" and "plan" everything for my future... eventhough some is things that definately will happen such as enter secondary school, uni... hehehe...
but now, i feels that thing that i had been doing is just a routine that everyone is doing~! wake up, watch drama, study, work, gossip, sleep.... goodness... it was enjoyable it the beginning stage as this is simple... i dont have to worry bout anything since it is a routine...
but now... in my coming bday~ i think i want make changes~! i want to have my dream back... before i go meet "Him" in heaven, i want to make sure my story are full of colours and flowers...
i always wish to travel around the world, to a stranger country and spend time there learning their life with my life partner.. but ever since i break up with him... i closed my heart... so my new wish... travel around the world by myself...
cant deny, with my current situation and condition... LOL i wont even able buy a ticket... lol... hmm... shall have my plan, savings.... and i shall start it slowly... maybe i shall start in formal way = sponsored way = working that allow me to travel~ hehe
in the other hand... i really wish to understand what i really wan~ sigh~ who can share some tips? honestly, im not the kind of traditional gal... where dating - marriage- kids = dreams~
im bit more selfish... im very "me"... i wish to find myself first before anything... guess this is a puzzle of my life~
Thursday, October 25, 2012
few years back, i had step on the stage for the first time, and the memories started there... but unfortunately it had it's fullstop now... but after i watched Glee, goodness, i wish i can step on the stage again... cant deny, im not pretty and outstanding as the actress in the Glee, but i really like the feeling when working hard with the friends for stage performance... that moment just so great~
there are lots dramatic moment in between, quarrel with friends, admiring some guy... and most important, the moment i spent in sharing my feelings, and problems with my friends... all those moment just so great... each time whenever i watched this drama, i really feel more motivated... and guess what, it really help me to find myself again, why shall i change to please people? everyone is unique... if people cant accept the originality of me then why shall i waste my time to please them?
overall... i really love glee, no wonder lots of the teenagers from US was madly addicted to Glee... oh GLee~~~~
ok ok... continue my drama~ hiaks~!!
Sunday, October 21, 2012
ok... come i want to share my blessing...
first - i can have a few look - sexy, decent, aunty and crazy look
maybe im mix with native, so naturally i have the "wild" look, some smoky make up, bit less cloths dressing and suitable accessories can make me look "wild" and "sexy"
oppositely, like today, i wear more cloth dress, i can look so decent
i can also look so boyish when i wear some sport outfit... hehehe... till the point people labeled me as my dad's "son" >.<
not least, when im in wrong mode... i wont bother my outlook till the point i think most ppl around me think im not normal~ hahahaha...
secondly - i have lots character within me
i can very friendly when i meet someone im comfortable with... (when my six sense dint alarm me la~)
i can be very rude and cold heart when im not comfortable with (when my alarm ring loudly)
i can be very crazy when im with certain group of people (which is mostly my buddies)
i can be very shy when surrounded with people i admire... i can be very "no image" when im in wrong mode
i can be very weak when im with people that i trusted... i can be very strong and dominant when im surrounded with people that need leader or weaker than me
i can very sentimental specially when it is raining day
i can be very calm when im in serious mode... hmm
i can be very mature specially when work and definitely that time im lack of confident
and most important i can be extreme childish with people i love and trusted... worst is when i lost control and very emo (this what my ex hated bout me most :( )
as for my productivity mode
i can easily be workaholic specially when i set my goal and im in love with the work
i can also be lazy - which happen most of the time :P
there are more of my two sided character which honestly i also not so sure yet... but it is a blessing as all this character enable me be very flexible towards my surrounding
but of course i still need have further improvement towards some of my character specially emotional part~ sigh~ any idea how to overcome that? hahaha
but... when look down to my leg... hahahhahaha... i still prefer some colour on it~ hehehe...
blue + green... hmm... today im in "nature" mode~ oh yeah~
Saturday, October 20, 2012
this movie really nice~!! and im lucky enough to able get the season 1~3 from my friend~ hehehe... even though it is a bit too outdated seasons... but hey~! good drama never have their time frame~ hahaha...
for the first season, dont know why, for all the sudden, i have this quote in my mind now~ which i hope will keep me going and be a better me~
come come, i share my new thoughts k~
" God is giving me some space, to develop a better me and get ready for the new challenges that is coming soon~ and God bless, who knows, the better him is now on his way to find me~ hiaks~"
it always feel so great when things are "open" and "transparent"... letting me feel lighter and more happy~ yeah~ love is in the air~
ok.. continue my GLEE~~~~
anyhow, someone just seems not enjoying as much as me, but at least she is there accompany me~ hahaha
Friday, October 12, 2012
omg, to over come my emotionally break down, i love spend money... hahaha... im not rich, yet i love spend money... goodness~ but im still happy with it... hehe... another way, its my wardrobe turn around as well.. hehehe
went to singapore... replace my jeans with dresses~ hiaks~ happy... become more ladies wor... >.< honestly, after convert to RM- it cost me RM75... but since i love it... so just give it a shot.. haha.. dont know since when i love bright colour... perhaps it will help brighten my days~ hehe
an owl ring... since the day i went to bukit merah Penang, i fall in love with owl... perhaps i look like one as well due to my dark circle.. hiaks
black dress... cost me RM30~ hhe
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
so... my sis just bought me wine for my coming bday... honestly, its been awhile i dint drink... so perhaps, as a turn around, i will start drink again... hehe... after all, controllable drinking, somemore is wine, i think it will bring benefit to my body as well right? so perhaps i need get some nice wine glass d... :D
Monday, October 8, 2012
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
monday - modern dance
tuesday - swimming (more like drowning >.<)
wed - jogging
thur - jogging
fri - jogging
sat - badminton or rest
sunday - yoga
hmm... once time is fully occupy, i guess it will be easier to let time pass by... :) at least in good way... hehe
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Sad as the relationship of 4 years had ended last month… it was a very very down moment during the past 2 weeks… washing my face with tears almost every night… had super low esteem… yet I still need to control my emotion around my friends and families… currently slowly standing up~ hmm… really need to thanks him over these 4 years… even though at the end of this relationship we quarrel a lot and worst we are walking to the down hills of this relationship without noticing it (or we deny and covering it too well)… at the end, he call off for it… I'm glad that he help to change my life into healthier life.. and I become more independent after being with him as we are in long distance relationship all this while… :D
So… just read an article from CLEO… hmm… had this inspiration to write my feelings, my thought and changes I wish to do after this relationship in my blog (that I had neglected too long ;p )
Things I need to change after this relationship failure
- Self control towards my emotion – I cant deny, Im a blunt person… I talk without twisting my words, and worst, I don't really think and analyze when im angry or up sad… which is one of the weapon that killed this relationship. Really need to learn to have better self control… breathing I heard is one of the best way.. :D
- My jealousy – im the youngest daughter in my family… I get what I want most of the time… most of the time I will strictly secure the things I want… eventually, maybe I lost security feel… my jealous increase and I started to control and sabotage his life… so guess that I need to learn be confident with myself, confident and trust people around me and not to blindly jealous over everything.. hmph~!
- Being appreciative – after this breaking up… there is some good side I found from my self… I always appreciate every little things he had done… I had did my best to protect and appreciate this relationship as much as I can~ ^^ and to my surprise, I still have a lot of friends who always backup me… when they heard bout this incident (of course they will ask the reason, mumbling awhile) they really concern bout me… all my friends are unique, they don't really like consult me with some traditional advise instead they advise me – good, now you have time with us, thanks him for letting you have this experience of breaking up ( when I heard this I was like WTH~!! But it quite true la~ sigh) and they already started plan single ladies program with me.. hahahaha
- Spend more time to myself – now im alone is most things, previously everything I do or plan I will include him in it… now I do and plan things for myself… so take this opportunity to do something that I never did before – take dancing class, yoga, learn new language, thinking of France hehehe… and spend time in knowing myself more through reading more motivation books, and of coz learn the mistake that I had done in this relationship and improve it thought reading and listen to other friends sharing~ J
- Appreciate your partner – don't let him/ her alone do all the maintenance… appreciate it and celebrate all occasions together make it her bday, anniversary, Christmas you name it~
- Communicate more, listen more, don't keep everything to yourselves – most of the time we expect our couple understand us since we already been together for so long… honestly, people do change, and most of the time it will change the way they handle their emotional, thoughts and living style as well… keep updated through communication
- Have same goals, same value of life and have same objectives in life – specially for long distance relationship, at the beginning we both are very loving, because we targeting the same thing – be together after I graduate… gradually, after that we lost firm objectives, or shall I say we dint share each other objectives and link it together? Sigh~ im not sure as well…
- don't be stingy in romance – romance through words and actions of coz… I heard from a friend where her husband told her once "why need celebrate bday? It happen each year" sigh~ this really kills a woman heart… woman love to listen sweet talks, just as how you tell her when u court her previously.. hug him/her whenever there is a chance… this is a body language that actually support each others' emotionally… say the 3 magic words: " I LOVE YOU" everyday… not only will it let your couple feel loved it also reminded you that how much you love him/her
- dont let the arguments "overnight", specially when both of your ego are very high~ trust me, EGO KILLS RELATIONSHIP~!!! sigh~ and not least, hold each other's hand… I really love to see the old couples who still hold each other hand when they walking together… J I always believe that "touch" can always link each other heart… J
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
i owez tell myself and people around me "everything happen with a good reason behind it, God had arrange everything for us" just that it might bit suffer or painful when we are walking through it... times will always review the result soon... it will bloom as long we doesnt give up...
sometimes, there are something that need a "break"... distance and the space will actually create another bigger space for it to bloom... this is what im always tell my self... nothing is impossible... just the attitude that we should have when facing some difficulties... i also dont wish that everything are in same path or rhythm..
without experience sadness and pain we will not know what is happiness and appreciation...
: ) i believe times will review everything... and it will definitely prettier and better than the previous one... : D
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
September is a new turn around for me... lots things had change and lots things i've to catch up d...
i join dancing class, im active in exercising now~ (HMmm, thanks to his influence towards healthy lifestyle : ) ) and definately, im chasing over my master process..
wish to put a happy full stop on year 2012~ so i must enjoy it till the fullest... :D happy happy september~ wu lala
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Friday, July 20, 2012
During school life, I get my imagination relationship through love novel… haha… I can still remember how "hardworking" I am in reading novel~ specially it is in mandarin (my mandarin super lousy)… additionally I have a good imaginary… muahahaha… after I finish read a novel~ it feels like im in a romantic and a very hu ha relationship~ muahahaha… that's why im so well "experienced" hahahah…
Its been so long I dint imagine such things dy, especially with the hectic schedule… but… during this short holiday at my sis place (which I have no internet to use) i found it again… but its in alternative ways – through movies… KOREAN drama~ muahahaha…. The story line was so unrealistic~ but this is the best part…. Hahaha…. The story line always roughly the same – a rich charming prince fall in love with a boyish poor independent lady~ hahaha…
I can always link myself to the story, not because im poor & independent but it's because I have boyish character~ muahahahahaha…. It is nice to enjoy and change the actress as myself from time to times~ hahaha… but honestly… all of this is good for imagination only~ if it really does happen in real life… er… I don't really want it… hahaha…. Coz it too dramatic d~ hahahaha….
It's great to put myself in that stage again once in the blue moon~ wulala~
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
for me conference is something that actually very motivating and can learn a lot in short period... coz there are lots expert and serious participant who do very good work, and willing share with the other participants... definately~ i cant be in this way all the time... wish that will have better result in short period... coz i dont want to drag my master to more than 2 years honestly...yet im still stuck in same problem again and again... sometimes i wonder whether i had made wrong decision - further my master in research mode~ sigh~ i dont wish to regret and stop now~ instead... i prefer overcome it and take this challenge openly... sigh~ words is cheap... work wasnt... so need change to gear 4 d~! hmph~!!!!!!
oh ya~ shouldn't spoil the efforts from my faculty...
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Honestly, i really feel blessed all the times. As the others, my path is like a snake road, sometimes i will hit some wall and face difficulties which nearly tear me off.. but whenever i faced difficulties i always tell myself, everything happen with a very good reason behind it~ a chinese proverbs "Good fortune may forebode bad luck, which may in turn disguise good fortune."
i am a super short temper person, i dont really twist around and i dont really like being ignored or take for granted~ but i cant expect everyone to tolerant with my special attitude and behaviour~ so instead hoping ppl change, i try change and improve my self to be a better man~ hmm.... not that i lost my entity, just that i learn to have more options in order for me to be more tolerance~ hehe... say is cheap, when doing it, specially sometimes when my mood is swinging it can be really challenging~
but, until now i never regret doing so, when people around me start nagging coz they expect more on me - i should feel glad coz there are someone have expectation on me... then when my love one ignore me, .... till now i have no idea how overcome it... hahaha... all i can tell my self is he/she is busy, and will get to me soon (eventhough before that i start simply think and get upsad) but i try not to communicate when im down, read a lot motivation articles, learn very important message "do not speak or respond when your mood still on the peak"... hmm...
overall, when people around me upsad and release on me, then at least i need control myself from swinging my mood, instead i shall be glad coz they found someone to release their feeling, or else..... who knows, they might instead dragging their bad mood into another level and end up more trouble been created along that...~
hahaha.. must have rational positive mindset~ every trouble is just another colour that help coloured our plain life~ wulala~ ^^
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Saturday, June 23, 2012
today is a good news, coz at last Kuching have bit rain in town... a rain after so long definitely use common sense we also know that it wasnt good if we are under it... so during this good day, i was not that lucky, parked my car far from the main door, and under any roof... >.< yes~! i get wet over it... with my current condition - a yoyo health due to the weather, i feel the impact directly... i cant use my nose breath coz it's down (just like machine, direct jam.. \(-oo-)/ ) and my devil eye start to rain as well (i think coz link to the nose, so my eye start to be watery without any chance of me controlling the water, not cry so shouldn't call it as tear right?? ( >.<) ).. sigh... then due to my breakdown nose, i keep on blowing my nose... and another great thing happen... my nose side injured~!!!!!! WTH~!!!! so bleed a bit... and now sobs... most parts of my body - funny its only on m face and injured... i need to have less face expression as it hurts a lot (of is it just my psychology probs.. >.<)
hmm... i need go check tiger feng shui for year 2012 d... did they mention that tigress need extra care on health?? hahaha... so... i have no chance rest.. just a flu... with several injury... >.< sigh~ will recover very soon i guess... LOL...
so for people reading this - drink more cooling water- such as green beans, kekwa... (coz i believe plain water doesn't really help at this moment o.0) and be happy~ hahaha...
guess that i actually shall realize that i should back to my actual independent life d... everything bout me... hmm... since recently im in the mood to back on track... shall stick on the plan and keep fit for this year... hmmm... plan buy a running shoe during august when i go Singapore with my family... then hmmm... where can i start to run... better is place with less people... hehehe... shy coz cant really run... muahhahaha.... anyways... need turn back my switch.... have more new friends as i used to be... and spend more time in social instead being "loyal" to my lappy at home~ since that doesnt really helps in getting me close to him... i mean psychically... so why not have a better time myself... lalala... emo week... hahahahahaha~!
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
for a talkative person like me... this actually an anti climax moment... sigh~ perhaps i can take this opportunity to shut up my mouth, cool down my trout... ^^
just notice when im frustrated towards the kids... since i cant scold them, so i just use my body language... stare them with my sexy small eye, or worst, raise my finger as warning (not middle finger for sure)... haha... it seems it works very well.. and the benefit of it, i dont have to boil my blood at all, hmm... perhaps i shall practice this more after my voice is back from vacation.. >.< since it help me maintain my blood pressure...
hmm... perhaps this is how the dumb person feel, they wish to voice out their msg but they cant, the more they shout the msg out the worst it get, coz only 2!^%& sound can heard by the others... instead, using sign/ body language will actually help more... sigh~ but im for sure miss my voice, and will appreciate it more... hmmm
VOICE~ i miss u~
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Today I'd been asked why I want to further study, some more it is in research mode… most of the time, master in research mode are believed to be more suitable for those who wish to involve in academic lines, while master in academic are more suitable for those who wish to work either in market or office… does this mean that I wish to end up in academic line? Honestly, not at the moment, not that I don't like this field, just that I don't think I'm suitable in this field as I actually don't like theoretical thing and I cant sit still in one place for long term… J
Why people want to further study? 2 reasons – for better income à improve lifestyle; to gain knowledge…
Me? Second reason for sure… can't deny I never been a good student, that's why I never good in my academic during the school days, but of course la I manage get through it through bit of blessing from God, bit luck and bit hard work… ^^ I'd done my part dint I? hahaha….
So now I wish to further my study because I really wish to learn to be a proper researcher… actually if I put a thought of it, it actually resembles how shall I treat my life… and expand my options in wider scope… ^^ seriously, it sound easy, yet it is complicated… hahaha… wish myself luck… and crossing finger that I settle off my research as planned. ^^